| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2004|04:43 pm] |
Hmm...
Shawn's coming on Sunday. ^^;; I'm excited to see him.
So excited, in fact, I have completely cleaned my room, spotless. I've been trying to KEEP it that way all week, so my bunnies aren't allowed in my room this week.
Speaking of bunnies, I think Kairi could be pregnant. If she is, it was accidental because I've been keeping them apart for a long time now...because I have bigger responsibilities right now than dealing with baby bunnies. See, now the true effects of motherhood take place. I knew it'd catch up to me eventually. o__o;;
Also, I have been quite busy trying to learn to cook, and clean, and do everything to prepare myself in experience to be a housewife. I have a big feeling, when Shawn comes to see me, he'll propose. I don't know if I'm still considered a child or not, but if you think I'm too young to be engaged...er...too bad? want this. I want this for me, for Shawn, and for my daughter. It is important to me.
I don't think many people take me seriously. It may be one of the biggest mistakes my family has made. Indeed, I'm young, but the difference between a kid and an adult is not in age. I'm used to them not taking me seriously, and I understand they think I'm all talk...like I'm just some ignorant little kid that thinks I know everything. Well, I don't know ANYTHING, now that I mention it.
Wait, there is one thing..
I don't care what other people think. |
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| Eep |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|06:37 am] |
I don't know why I update this. I don't think anyone reads it. o_o
Anyway. Uh. Merry Christmas. ^^ |
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| Riku and Kairi |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|06:49 pm] |
Hey, I'm finally getting those promised pictures of Riku up, and a couple recent ones of Kairi as well. Aren't they evily cute?
Riku:
( See all the pictures )
Anyway, right now I'm letting Kairi run around from 4-6, and Riku from 6-8. They both get two hours, and Kairi is VERY jealous of him running around while she can't. I think she'll settle down. Riku is certainly way more laid back, he's already running around binkying all over and laying around wherever he pleases, getting the feel of the wide space. I'm still watching him closely though, he's gotten into things Kairi has NEVER taken an interest in.
-Chai |
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| News |
[Nov. 9th, 2004|04:34 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling... |
| |  cheerful | ] |
Well, the bad news is, I have searched this house up and down and still cannot find my camera. Once I find it I will post pictures of Riku on here for everyone to go googly eyed at. ^^;;
Also, my boyfriend isn't doing very well. He went to the hospital Sunday and last night he stayed up until midnight to get Halo 2 and today he's sick in bed. (I told him not to do that if he's sick, but you know how guys/gamers are). I know, I should say "I told you so" but I'm soft, and nothing less than sympathetic. I'm also worried, however, because he said he wasn't sure what kind of sickness he has. All I know is he's throwing up really bad.
On another note, I have a new job! Yay! I've been waiting for this for a while now. It's not an actual job, but I can't come up with a better word at the moment. I seem to have trouble around my peers for some reason, so I've been liking my Sunday School class less and less. I even had a short artistic temperment moment and left the place all together. Then, the next week I just didn't go. My grandmother is now telling me that they WANT me to work in sunday school, with the little kids! This is really a blessing because I've been a bit down ever since the teacher I was working with (4th grade) left and went to the 6th grade, leaving me no choice but to go back to my own class. So now I finally get to be with the kids again. And, the Daycare manager there said I can't work in daycare until I'm 18, but I'm almost positive I could get into a daycare when I'm 18 (perhaps not this one, depending on where I go to live).
I guess it just really makes me happy that I can work with the kids again, which I absolutely LOVE doing. ^^;;
Anyways, I'll update with pictures whenever I locate that camera. I have a hunch my grandparent may have taken it with them on their vacation, but their expected back today, anyway.
-Chai |
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| Yay! New Bunny! |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|11:46 pm] |
Well, I finally got my new bunny. His name is definately Riku. He's staying in my room tonight and possibly tomorrow, then I have no choice but to move he and Kairi outside. Darn it all. Heh, my grandma is not too pleased with me keeping them in the house, and I'm quite edgy about moving them OUT of the house, but my dad said he'll clean out the shed a bit and they'll probably be more out of the weather if I keep them in there.
I'm just worried, because Kairi isn't used to being outside. She's always been in my room, free to roam about whenever I'm home. I'm more concerned about her than I am Riku, since he's new to everything here anyway. He'll probably adjust to it a lot faster than Kairi will.
Other than that, I'm uber happy I finally got my new bunny. If you know me, you know I've been wanting one for a while. Yey. ^^;; I do think Kairi is a MITE jealous, however, as she's been running circles around me and licking me an extra bit today.
Anyway, hope all goes well. I'm real nervous about moving Kairi outside. But it'll only be temporary...I have plans to move in with Shawn this summer, and he's nowhere near as strict as my grandparents. He does have cats, though. As much as I love cats, I'm not sure the bunnies will be too pleased.
-Chai |
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| New Bunny! |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|04:24 pm] |
Okay, I don't know much yet! But supposively today I am getting a NEW bunny! Can you believe it? Finally! Kairi can stop worshipping me and have a "friend" to play with. My new bunny will be(if all goes well):
-Male
-Lop(unsure of breed)
-Black & white (spotty, if you will)
-Not showable
-Not the same breed as Kairi
-But still very lovable!
Anyway, I WANT your name suggestions! Suggest! Rawr! So far his name is Riku, unless I hear one I like more. ^-^ I wonder what Kairi will think of this?
-Chai |
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| Icky |
[Sep. 20th, 2004|03:27 pm] |
Stop staring at me. I'm depressed. Why is it NOTHING I do or say is right? You'd think someday I'd get a break...now don't roll your eyes at me, this isn't self pity. I don't remember what self pity feels like but I know what this is and this isn't self pity. It's merely self-sympathy. My life's been all run down and crappy and now I sit back and watch myself suffer, though with a lack of interest. For now it's gone on so long it's no longer meaningful. What IS meaningful? It feels like I've become somewhat of a "I-Don't-Care-Anymore" kind of person, which is really unlike me. I have LOADS of things. I'm spoiled when it comes to material posessions, but for some reason through means of experience I've learned material posessions are virtually meaningless and useless compared with the true hungers of life. For example, what hope is there for me if I have every up-to-date awesome everything and family that hates me? That only makes me feel worthless and selfish. Do you know how many people DO think I'm selfish? More than I can count. Maybe I should just forget about defending myself. Whatever. I'm a selfish, ugly, fat bitch. Or, in Gaby's native language, a "whore". Thank you everyone. Thank you. I appreciate your determination to let me know how horrible I am, all of you. Let's all go to hell, I'll meet you there. Or are you too good for that? Don't let ME drag you down. Oh no. Go ahead and shove me off that cliff, go ahead...look down, watch me fall without the tiniest resistance.
Cause that's all I am.
-Chai |
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| Little Things |
[Sep. 16th, 2004|03:27 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling... |
| |  amused | ] |
..Chai..
Hey anyone who bugs to read this! ^__^
I'm happy because I finally got the Sims 2 and it is WONDERFUL. Get it. Now. It's the best thing since..uh..something else!
Anyway, on another note, Kairi is being really BAD. I mean every time I let her out of her cage SOMETHING gets chewed or SOMETHING gets corrupted. I know, I know, it isn't her fault. She's a bunny. Bunnies do that. Simple. But still, I just can't help but feel that "grr" when she does and I simply cant watch her every waking moment. Ah well. It's my responsibility to get my stuff out of her range, anyway, which is rapidly expanding. She's learned how to jump onto my chair and get onto my computer desk. O__O;;
I STILL want another bunny.
So Shawn and I are doing wonderful too. I don't know what happened to change things but we're really getting on nicely now all the time. He wants me to live with him when I turn 18. You know, that would change my entire lifestyle completely. And THAT is a scary thought. But I shouldn't doubt him, I don't DOUBT him. I just wish it could NOT be a rapid, huge change like that. I don't like huge changes all of a sudden. I'm a planner-outer thank you.
Anyways, my good friend has decided to comment on my last journal entry by calling me a whore and other various things. I don't think I'll ever be deleting it until I feel like I need to clear my journal. So yeah, go on, see my "true colors" and what my closest friends think about me behind my back. ;_;
Um. Right. So, I did get two new tamagotchi connections. They rock..! And I started up playing a site called "powerpets". Not as good as Neopets.
Tata.
-Chai |
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| Wait, no...okay. |
[Jun. 28th, 2004|11:22 am] |
| [ | I'm feeling... |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Listening to... |
| | Too Far Gone-All American Rejects | ] |
Hey...-poke- Wake up. It's only been 57 years since I last updated.
Good Things:
Neo:
-I painted LittleMistress royal on Neopets.
-I painted Sironu fire.
-I got the Bionic Cybunny avatar(and Devilpuss)
Video Games:
-Sims 2 comes out september 17th! ^-^;; (www.thesims2.com)
-Kingdom Hearts is coming out with a gameboy game. "Chain of Memories"
-I got Dottie, the dutch bunny, on Animal Crossing o_o
-Sims 2 looks to die for!
Other:
-Kairi's doing good but could use a friend. She keeps begging for attention.
-My boyfriend, Shawn, and I are doing pretty good.
-I've been a vegetarian for almost 1 1/2 years!
-MY BIRTHDAY is AUGUST 14th. I'll be 17. Yay. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2004|06:25 am] |
| [ | I'm feeling... |
| | amused | ] |
~Kairi~
It's official. Well, almost. I'll be 6 months old on April 23rd! That's as if being 21 yrs old in human years-full grown! Of course, I won't stop growing, but, I won't be a baby any more either. Mum's been feeding me carrot tops lately. How nice of her^-^;; Welp, I'll be off now. Tata! |
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| Eh |
[Mar. 20th, 2004|12:00 pm] |
-Chai-
It takes a lot to put aside one's pride and admit when they are wrong. I have a special life, that I don't know how to control, so it gets out of control...
I do stupid things and say stupid things...my boyfriend, Shawn, does not a silly fool, like me. He deserves someone who will be happy no matter what he does, someone who doesn't have frequent outbursts of emotion...he deserves someone who will listen, and obey, and trust. So, I made a dramatic(more drama) change. He should have done it a long time ago, if I was him I would never have put up with my crap. But he's so kindhearted...he could never have made me his slave...he could never say "Shut up slave, I don't care what you think" because he feels like it's too mean to make me cry...
But...it has to be that way. I can't decide what to do with my life...I just can't it's too hard, everything I think turns into a mistake, that, if I'd just listened to him...well, I need him to control me and "yank on my chain" when I wander too far like that. I know he loves me, but hopefully he'll see that, if he knows what he's doing TRULY...it's okay to say "shut up" and "I don't care what you think" because...I'm pathetic...I don't even live in the real world...nothing I think is valid here on planet earth.
I need a master. Can he handle a slave? Will he be able to balance his love, and his control? Like a nice, blended smoothie...yummy. Mix it just right and everything is perfect. I'll do my part, I promise, I'll submit...I'll obey...that's what I need...I'll trust him...with everything...in hopes that he can make our lives better. It has to be that way.
If anyone comments on ow stupid I am or whatever, that's okay...but...it won't change. My life...
Different. Hard. Confusing.
I'm sorry for saying that Shawn, Master, and everything else I've done so stupid. please forgive me. It should have been done already...please, when things get too far do what you must...be strict...
I am your slave.
-Chai
PS-He really did have a important reason to wake up early today :( |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2004|07:59 am] |
-Chai-
That's right.
I'm completely pissed off.
AS you know my lovely boyfriend is an angel...usually, but just this morning he said he doesn't think he could be with someone so SELFISH. Self-centered. I don't know how you feel, but if someone, your boyfriend/girlfriend?(hey it's your business) called you SELFISH wouldn't that hurt your feelings a little? At least?
Um...I'm hurt. He knows about my journal, he may get mad if he sees this...but...he should change, not me. I'm not selfish. I'm no where NEAR the perfect girlfriend, I'm actually a really bad girlfriend. But, the person I care about most calling me selfish? That's like calling me all the worst names in the friggin book...hello babe I care about you more then myself!
Want me to prove it? Want me to kill myself to show you that I can't live without you? DOES THERE HAVE TO BE SO MUCH DRAMA??? I'm sick of it, I get enough of that in the movies. I'm not selfish, I love him. I'd give anything for him yet, he repays me like this?
Men...why are they like this? WHY? It started last night, a very RARE time that I was in a weird mood and he was tired (usually it's the other way around) and he up and left me all alone, so he could go to bed. Ive never done that to him...no, not if he was dying like I was. He just wanted to go to sleep to make himself happy...and he calls me selfish...
Not only did it hurt my feelings, but I don't plan on telling him how I feel anymore, or letting him know when I need him around that bad...not after THAT. I can understand he was tired, and he wanted to get up today, but is his life so important to the point that he'd just...
"Whatever."
To me? Ooohhh.....let me die.....let me curl up and rot again and again....selfish....am I? Am I really? Oh....please don't say that.
*goes to admit self to an institution for crazy people*
-Chai |
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| Queen Kairi! |
[Mar. 15th, 2004|08:11 am] |
| [ | I'm feeling... |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | Listening to... |
| | Easter Time | ] |
~Kairi~
Hey dudes^-^
Wanna see what me and momma were up to yesterday?
http://www.boomspeed.com/neo_tiara/Kaiga.jpg
http://www.boomspeed.com/neo_tiara/Kaiga1.jpg
http://www.boomspeed.com/neo_tiara/Kaiga2.jpg
Of course I got kinda annoyed after the second picture and thought I might scratch her arm to pieces. But she deserved it and she knows it!
(Chai: -_-; *cough* sorry...)
Aww^-^ She apologized...I forgive you...well, I will if you give me some apple or banana!
(Chai: Nuuu...not that! Junk food!)
Mwahaha! Who's in charge here? Queen Kai of course!
Later!
-Kai
PS-if the piccies don't load up it's cause too many people been lookin' o_o And Geocities is weird like that |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2004|09:07 am] |
My inner child is one year old!
Everything is new to me. I like watching the world
go by around me, and I don't sweat the small
stuff--or the large stuff, either. Just so long
as I stay warm and safe and dry, life's pretty
good.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| gah |
[Mar. 12th, 2004|05:34 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling... |
| |  weird | ] |
-Chai-
Oh, where is Gaby, I feel like cuddling o_o Or you know, talking.
Anyway, Spring Break time for me^-^ I have nine days of freedom! Woo! Do a lil dance! Make a lil love! Get down to night! Funky!
Actually I've been rather depressed the past two days, but...oh well, ya know? I'll DEAL WITH IT! Or...maybe I'll jus bang my head...either way, yeah? o_O;;
Shawn sent me three bunny beanie babies...he's such a sweetheart...really. I love him.
I told him I was a demon child. He told me I'm an angel. Honestly, I don't know WHAT I am, but it aint human.
-Chai |
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| Moo |
[Mar. 10th, 2004|08:16 pm] |
-Chai-
Aahh...well, uh...
Um...
So. Today was a pretty good day...
I feel kinda weird o_O;;
Excuse me. *cough cough* While I, uh, rest and ease my mind a bit.
-Chai |
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| Why can't I comfort you? |
[Mar. 7th, 2004|07:16 pm] |
| [ | I'm feeling... |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Listening to... |
| | Evanescence stuff | ] |
-Chai-
Why does she push me away so harshly?
Why?
No matter what she says I cannot hate her, I love my sister. I respect her. I confide in her. She is only making the pain well up inside me, but I must not back down. Deep inside...she needs me...deep inside she'll miss me.
If I ever loved someone outside of my family, other then Shawn, it would be Gaby. She's always been there when I needed someone to talk to.
Now she wants to end it?
Breaking up with Shawn left me to bleed to death, now to lose her...the damned world. The damned world. Yet...I cannot let my nightmares win me, I cannot let the day disappear, there is still hope left for Gaby...
As a child I was beaten, as I child I was starved, as I child I was neglected, man fun of, and unloved. Through all my childhood I suffered badly but now look who I am...please, don't let her go away...she'll get through it...if I can she can.
I wish she was here, because if she was...I'd tell her to her face how much she means to me, I'd hug her and hold her and let her cry on my shoulder. I'd listen and cry with her, and share her pain openly. And, if the moon was dark enough that night, I'd kiss her cheek perhaps. Shawn would not mind. What are sisters for? I'd love and support her in any way I could, if only she was here.
But, dear self, what are you thinking?
The world is damned. And you, dear self, were born of the damned. A cursed life you live, dear self. Who could I help? Who could I save? I'm only the innocence shed from the evil of which I was born. I want only good, but I cause only bad. Lost is my mind...depressed is my soul...outside is my flesh, gentle and scared.
What am I here for?
-Chai |
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| Another lovely day |
[Mar. 7th, 2004|07:44 am] |
| [ | I'm feeling... |
| |  sad | ] |
-Chai-
I was very upset yesterday night. I had this sudden, weird feeling. It was the feeling of being unsafe and afraid, but it was sudden and deep. I was talking to my Shawn and he told me he'd protect me and keep me safe forever...and that...my nightmares can't get me...he promised...
But my nightmares get closer every night...I'm afraid there will be no place left to run...and no room to wake up...but Shawn says I'm safe, so, I'm safe. But what's to happen? I fear...what's to happen...should I thrust these warning thoughts aside and trust him? I must...
Along with this Gaby decided she's a sinking ship, and none of her friends should go down with her. I know this feeling...it's the same feeling Shawn did to me...when we broke up. He told me some pretty mean things to try to repel me and make me not like him so that I wouldn't be attached to him when he hurt himself. This is the same thing I know it, but no matter how hard she tries she can't force me to turn my back on her. A good friend is there to help try to pull the sinking ship back up. A good friend never swims away, leaving the other to drown, even if it'd drowning the other desires.
I'll do what I can for her, but she has to want my help. I can't help her if she won't let me. She's already given up.
Oh safety!
Safety is my cure.
All the worries shine my lure.
Oh leave me,
Just let me cry,
I wont abandon the life
That I love and rely.
Let me live
Without a thought of alone
Will my heart give?
Until my body is thrown?
-Chai |
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chaikai's journal
angry
